How to Be Successful On the Bachelor

 

Disclaimer: In the words of the world famous poet, Ice Cube, “Check yourself, before you wreck yourself.” This article is  based on watching reality TV shows like a hawk, my personal dating experiences, feedback from people connected to the show, and my general views on what makes a successful relationship. This article is written from the perspective of a Bachelor with female contestants. I will publish a second article that covers the same topic from the Bachelorette perspective. With that, let’s jump into my breakdown:

 

Definition of “Success” on The Bachelor

 

One of the biggest questions of our time is “Why do people go on the Bachelor?” Everyone seems to either want to go on the show or  knows someone who should. The phrase “Oh, you’d be perfect on The Bachelor,” is used way too much. And don’t get me started on people’s opinions based on nothing other than the desire to fulfill their own agendas.

 

Well, let’s look into  the assumed reasons contestants go on the show in the first place: to find love, get married, start a family, get TV time, promote their brand, get out of their hometown, travel the world on someone else’s dime, etc. These are all real and fair assumptions, but this article will work off of the “correct” reasons to be on the show, which are to meet someone, find love, and get engaged (and ultimately married).

 

Let’s run the numbers on the chances of having a successful run on the bachelor:

🌹 The Bachelor group of shows (show and spin offs) has been on the air for 16+ years. Of all the seasons of the Bachelor Sean Lowe and Catherine Giudici remain the sole “Bachelor” couple to get married. They welcomed their second son in May 2018. W-O-W. Just WOW. Of 20 seasons of the Bachelor, only one of them resulted in a marriage that lasted. That’s around a 5% chance of a happily ever fairy tale ending if you agree to be the Bachelor.

🌹This is not including people like Arie Luyendyk who proposes to the runner up at the After the Rose showing live event. That success falls under a different data point.

🌹On the Bachelorette, that’s a little bit different story. Couples still together include: Garrett Yrigoyen & Becca Kufrin, Rachel Lindsay & Bryan Abasolo, Jordan Rodgers & JoJo Fletcher, JP Rosenbaum & Ashley Hebert, Chris Siegfried & Desiree Hartsock, and of course Trista Rehn was the very first “Bachelorette,” and set a high bar for the franchise — she’s been with the winner of her season, Ryan Sutter since the final rose that amazing night.

🌹So if you get eliminated you can go on Bachelor Pad, Bachelorette again or even Bachelor in Paradise. There are plenty of successful long-term relationships from that. Get this though, there are even long-term relationships from “Bachelor Nation” where couples are together for an extended period of time. I guess you just follow someone off the #BachelorNation on Instagram and BOOM, you got yourself a sea of women looking to be your next girlfriend. How’s this pickup line? “So, do you watch the Bachelor? Cool, we should be boyfriend and girlfriend….”

🌹 If you want the full run down on who’s together, who got engaged, what happened, etc. Here are two links: Couples Still Together & Where Are They Now 

🌹The other reasons for being on the show – showcase your brand, create a brand for yourself, get out of Dodge, or just go on some exotic trips, there’s no way to really quantify that. So feel free to do your own deep dive analysis by watching all the episodes again and send me your feedback. I’ll be waiting patiently.

 

Why Go on The Bachelor in the First Place?

 

Let’s look into some statistics  regarding why contestants decided to give up their life for X number of weeks and go on The Bachelor. For this, we’ll pull in the experts. “Reality Steve” Carbone, (1) who has blogged about the Bachelor franchise for 12 years and spoken to over 50 contestants, agreed. “I’m almost putting the number at 100 percent — they’re all out to build a brand,” said Carbone. “They don’t care about having a spouse. They know they have a one-in-25 shot. It’s not about that. It’s basically about getting out of town, free travel, meeting girls that are going to be lifelong friends, and about 78th on their list is finding a husband.”  As if online dating isn’t enough of a crap shoot…or going to a party trying to meet someone…or going to a speed dating event for that matter. I’ve been no stranger to all of these tactics and can attest to the “crap shoot” mentality. Thus, going on The Bachelor to meet someone isn’t any more of a crap shoot than any of those methods that are all easier to access than going on a reality TV show, so there may be another motive for contestants on the show.  That was just the case with former Bachelor Prince Lorenzo Borghese, who unapologetically admits he went on “The Bachelor” and five other reality shows to further his cosmetics business and animal rescue organization. “I wanted to promote my charity work and my business, and it’s a great platform for that. It gives you a voice,” he explained. “And if anyone tells you they did it just to find love, they’re lying to you.”

 

So many women are so catty saying things like “she’s not here for the right reasons.” Pump the breaks there, sweetheart – what is your definition of a “right reason”. if another woman is there to play games, enjoy the vacation and TV time, wouldn’t that allow you a better opportunity to be successful and potentially win over the guy’s heart? How is this any different than real life? Do you live in a little bubble where you think the guy you met for a first date has only ever gone on a single date in the last 10 years and that was you? Speaking from experience, I have actually had that happen to me where I was the first person they met in-person from online. Maybe I just have a profile that says “he’s not a serial killer and you may actually enjoy the nice conversation after a low-key date.”

 

Now that expectations have been set, let’s get into how to have a successful adventure on The Bachelor.

Making A First Impression

 

Straight up, here are some tips on how to act as you walk out of the limo for the first time: Smile, keep your chin up, feel confident, step out of the limo like it’s your time. After all, this is your big moment in life. Seriously, though, practice it a few times. If you come out of the limo giggling with your head down and shoulders rolled forward, you are putting yourself at a disadvantage. You don’t need to give him the death stare like you’re Medusa, but smile, make eye contact and walk elegantly toward him. Don’t overthink it.  Remember, he’s doing the “hi, how are you?” 25-30 times that night, so it’s going to be repetitive and uncomfortable for him, too.

 

Please, please, please, just be memorable, fun, show your personality and give the bachelor something to talk about later. What are some good examples of giving him something to talk to you about later?

 

🌹  Have a lock in prop so that the two of you have something to talk about later. (2) No need to say “come find me later”. Don’t worry toots, he will make time to meet all the ladies. He’s been coached well to make sure he makes time to meet everyone that night. The question is, “will you come find him or will he come find you?”

 

What if my personality and ambitions are all about coming in hot with something fun, over the top, and super cool?

Well, if you decide to do something fun, be prepared to handle the barrage of questions and comments from the other girls. They will be competitive and talk about it. Period. Your entrance is not just between you and the Bachelor. It’s between you, the Bachelor, the other girls, your friends, your family, oh and all of Bachelor Nation.

 

Here are a few tips on how to handle yourself as you walk from the limo and chat with him for the first time:

“I’ve heard a lot about you” comments are so cliché. Have something witty to say – if you have a prop (cowboy hat, lei, or whatever) then have something slick to say. If you are going off your wit to impress him, have something witty to say. No need to say “hey, are you from Memphis? Because you’re the only Ten I See (Tennessee),” but you should have a pick up line. On the topic of things not to do, here’s a quick reference of the first impressions that were memorable from the Tabloids. Seriously, click that link and give it a quick scroll through, it’s totally worth your time.

 

If that wasn’t enough, here is a link to the 15 weirdest entrances.

 

Camel rides, back flips, face slaps, using your grandma as a prop, going silent, showing up in a wedding dress, dressing as a dolphin. These are all high up on the scale in creativity, but also one has to remember that, after their stunning arrival, they still have to deal with the repercussions afterwards – being in costume all night, smelling like an animal, having cuts/bruises.

 

Here’s a real example of what not to do: one guy drank so much that he could barely talk when meeting the bachelorette, picked a few fights in the mansion and then passed out on lawn furniture. Dude, you didn’t even make it to the first rose ceremony. Ridiculous? Yes. Epic? Yes. Best way to show your better side and find a mate? Nope. Hard NO, actually.

 

Here are a few first impressions that I do like and recommend:

🌹(Bachelorette) Garrett shows up with a minivan and diapers, and sets the precedent for starting a family together.

🌹Teaching him a phrase in your native tongue.

🌹Teaching him a quick dance move.

 

If it were me who went on the Bachelorette, I’d probably have something along the lines of this:

Step out of the limo, smile and hold eye contact.

Take 2 steps, then do a little spin and giggle.

Walk up and hug her hello.

“Hi, I’m J.P. but you can call me your Knight in Shining Armor. I’m an entrepreneur and podcast host. My podcast is on fashion, fitness and of course food. I’m a goofball that dabbles in stand-up comedy in Chicago and on Friday nights I like to let my hair down. Pleasure to meet you Princess (enter her name here).”

 

Why is this good? It’s light-hearted, makes her smile, let’s her know I’m comfortable in my own skin, and even though I only have a few short seconds with her, I’m able to show my personality and career ambitions. I would want to be remembered by who I am, not what I did. If I’m the guy that shows up in a Zoot Suit, she’ll only remember that aspect of me. Don’t get me wrong, I applaud people’s efforts to be memorable, but my personal recommendation would be to focus more on what conversations to have with the bachelor throughout that night, as opposed to what you’re going to do or say walking out of the limo.

 

Congrats, you got a rose the first night and successfully got hammered for free on TV. Woot woot! Let’s move on to how to act while on the show.

 

Group Dates

 

By definition, group dates have more than one woman on them. So that means you do not get the Bachelor all to yourself. First and foremost, the most crucial part of any group date is getting time with the Bachelor. So, it would be wise to do something to get time with him. However, there’s a certain interruption etiquette to keep in mind. Don’t wallow in your own sorrows, saying “I didn’t get time.” It’s easy to make assumptions about how much time will be allotted in a night or how long he’s been gone or how to move around in the venue. No need to be overly aggressive, but don’t sit back and tell the camera and other girls how you wish something would happen. Make something happen.

 

A good way to go about this would be to focus on having fun, getting to know the other girls in the house, while being conscious of the need to spend time with the Bachelor. Yes, other girls will be there and fighting for his time. But don’t come off as trying too hard, aggressive or down right problematic. It’s evident throughout the show that there’s a negative correlation between creating drama in the house and getting a rose each week. If you play with fire, chances are high that you may burn yourself.

 

It’s ok to think “I’m here for the Bachelor and don’t care about the other girls,” but there’s no need to announce that to the cameras or even to the other girls. That’s a nice little recipe for disaster. Girls you complain to may create drama with you and that will eventually spill over to the Bachelor. Which, in turn, will turn your one on one time with him into “problem solving” or his Sherlock Holmes impression in an attempt to get to the bottom of the issue. You only have so much time with him each week (less in the beginning). Why risk wasting that time with him dealing with drama involving your relationship with other girls in the house?

 

One on One Dates

 

Everyone on The Bachelor makes such a big deal out of one on one dates. Granted, they are crucial to moving your relationship along with the Bachelor, but people are absolutely devastated when they don’t get one.

 

Being successful on the show is about keeping your composure, staying focused, showing your true self and getting to know the bachelor so that you can ultimately decide whether or not to be together in the end. It is not about “winning on the show”.

 

If you didn’t get a one on one date, it is not black and white/good or bad. The decision is likely not even about you, specifically.  Here are a few scenarios to consider if didn’t get a one on one:

🌹He wants to see if someone is who they really are on group dates – are they being fake, are there rumors floating around about them, are they putting on an act or facade?

🌹Does this person’s lifestyle match up with his?

🌹Is this person on the middle of some drama and he needs more than 5 min to sort it out?

🌹Is this person someone he’s on the fence about because she’s too aggressive and he wants to see if they are on the same page?

 

Lots of “not she’s the best one in the room” options go on a one on one. It’s not necessarily a mentality to take the bell of the ball (i.e., the “front runners”) on every one on one. Each decision is strategic.  Try not to read into his reasons for not choosing you for a certain one on one date. For all you know, it’s because he likes you and does not have questions about his feelings for you. Wait your turn and make the most of your time with him, however long and whenever that is. Period.

 

Interacting with the Bachelor

 

My first rule is don’t talk about how you didn’t get a chance to be with him all day. Stop wasting your breath. Spend the time talking about how the day made you feel, how it is something you’d want to do on a regular basis in the future, and make exciting plans to do something like that in the future. There’s a famous Instagram account out of Chicago (@strangefoodschicago) that is all about trying and exploring ”strange foods”. The kicker is that the food is normal in each of the original cultures, but strange to foreigners, if you will. He’s the master of inviting people along to try new foods and part take in his passion. If he was on The Bachelorette, for example, on a group date he might say something like, “Today we went to Asia and tried pigs’ feet. We should go to South America and try some of their strange foods.” . Another good example is Kendall from Arie’s season who is passionate/obsessed with taxidermist for a living She talks about it lightly, and eventually gives him a chance to experience her passion with her. People are attracted to people who are passionate about their hobbies. Not only does it show that the person has depth, it also shows the person has passion in other aspects of their life as well.

 

Next, don’t talk about other girls. Don’t even acknowledge  other relationships. Your time with him is about the two of you. He knows he has other relationships and so do you. It’s like the Army’s old saying – don’t ask, don’t tell. Become comfortable with the elephant in the room and just focus on the task at hand, which is showing your personality and getting to know each other better.

 

On a related note, don’t worry about his type and whether you fit the bill. Focus on you. He’s exploring plenty of types. That’s one the benefits of being in this situation and dating so many women at one time.

 

The short-term goal is to get the rose on each group date and each one on one. What should you do to ensure a connection with the Bachelor and ensure he wants to give you that rose? Trust the relationship and show that you’re comfortable with it. That’s the side of you he wants to see, not the catty, petty side.

 

Whatever you do, don’t self-doubt yourself. Be yourself, enjoy the process, and let your personality win him over. And if your good looks help out, it’s not the end of the world. You’re there to see if this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Getting the “Final Rose”, but not ending up with him long-term is actually worse than being sent home. Too many girls try to just win and that’s why there is such a low success rate for long-term relationships coming out of The Bachelor. If it’s meant to be, he’ll know what you bring to the table and the two of you will make it work. The best way to grow a muscle is to use it and tear it. Let him feel that sense of you working hard in your relationship with him. That’ll make your relationship stronger and more stable, and give you the best chance of long-term success.

How to Act at the Rose Ceremony

 

The rose ceremony should not be taken lightly but should also be shown the respect it deserves. A man is deciding to end relationships with people he at one point considered as a potential life partner. It’s not about showing off, making a scene or being immature. Yes, your emotions will be hard to control but you have time to prep for the show. Do your homework and come prepared.

 

Here are a few tips:

🌹No half smiles.

🌹No frowns.

🌹No crying halfway through.

🌹If you have a rose or receive a rose, don’t look around for others’ reactions. Just look forward and respect the process.

🌹You’ll definitely be uncomfortable and nervous, but hold true because you’re demeanor may sway him or reassure him about you.

🌹If you do not receive a rose, thank him as you walk out and wish him luck.

           🌹Don’t bring up past drama or why he didn’t choose you. The decision is already made. Don’t be a sore loser. Remember, you’re on national television and the internet exists. If you go on a rampage, it’ll go viral, and for the wrong reasons.

🌹When you receive a rose, don’t say something over the top or that raises a red flag like “oh, I’m lost for words.” Just say, “Yes, I will absolutely accept this rose from you.”

 

I hope this was a helpful little insight into my thoughts on how to be successful on The Bachelor.  Should you find yourself on the next season of The Bachelor, be sure to use these tips if you’re trying to find love, rather than just trying to become Insta-famous.  There’s nothing wrong with going on the show for either reason, but this article was written for the former, not the latter.

 

If you’d like to learn more about my insights on love and dating, feel free to check out my podcast and specifically my 1st Dates Episode. Linked Here.

 

Yours Truly, The Man, The Myth, The Legend

1. https://www.thisisinsider.com/the-bachelor-changes-2019-1

2. https://www.pualingo.com/lock-in-prop//